When Lives Touch

I am going to blatantly and without shame use an example straight out of Xena: Warrior Princess. Because the truth of what was shown is in no way lessened by being part of a script in a fantasy show.

A stone is thrown into a lake, and the immediate impact is that of ripples radiating outwards, the surface of the water disturbed. Eventually though, the ripples will still, and the surface of lake return to calm. But unseen beneath the water, the lake has been forever altered, for the thrown stone still remains.

This has been on my mind a lot recently. But instead of stones and lakes, it’s people and lives. Some encounters are more like wind; they disturb the surface of the lake but don’t change it. But some... some are definitely stones. How they affect your life may not be readily apparent, but the encounter will irrevocably alter it. Allow me to share how one chance meeting has had far reaching and meaningful impact upon my life. This is bound to be a bit rambly, so please bear with me.

It was my 18th birthday, and my mom and I had gone into town for some mother-daughter bonding and so that I could pick out my present. Back then, I took a book with me everywhere, so I’d have something to do during idle moments. Also, it was something of a security blanket. My book was my shield, helping to keep my social anxiety at bay. I can’t remember which exact book I was reading at the time, but the author was Mercedes Lackey.

While wandering through the mall, we stopped at a jewellery kiosk. Mainly just to browse, because shinies! The man working the kiosk gave us the required retail smile and greeting, to which my mom responded while I half-hid in awkward shyness behind her because he was cute. I don’t remember which happened first, telling him it was my birthday and we were present shopping, or him noticing the book I had tightly clutched in my hand. He recognised the author with enthusiasm and asked me if I’d read her Last Herald-Mage trilogy. Me being the socially awkward penguin that I am, and frequently lacking in a brain-to-mouth filter, responded with a happily (over-)enthusiastic, “Oh yes! I love that the main character is gay! More authors need gay characters.” Or something along those lines.

The look on his face.

My brain kicked in at that moment, and I roundly -- but silently -- cussed myself out for being stupid. I should have just left it at, “Yes, I really enjoyed it.” But no. I just had to go and gush and be weird. Somehow that awkward moment was broken, I can’t remember how. But it passed and we moved on, with J being helpful and asking questions about what sort of jewellery I liked and I wound up walking away with a gorgeous sterling silver Chinese dragon pendant. Which I still have. I also walked away with a churning stomach and half-hopeful, half-fearful anticipation because J and I had exchanged AIM details.

During our first chat, he told me he was gay. I wasn’t really sure how to reply. Not because I had any sort of problem with it (aside from being a little disappointed because like I mentioned earlier, cute guy), but because “Yes, and?” felt like too dismissive of a response.

Skipping ahead a bit, though at the time I hadn’t known, I found a brother that day. A teacher. A best friend. Someone who would be and continues to be a huge inspiration and source of goodness in my life -- even if an ocean separates us. Our friendship opened a whole new world to me. Literally, even, for it was J who introduced me to online roleplay in the form of MUSHing.

Skipping ahead further, it was through MUSHing that I met my husband. Maybe I would have found my way to MUSHes without J, but I highly doubt I would have wound up temporarily living in San Jose. Because while we had been friends online for almost 2 years, it wasn’t until we met face-to-face while he was on holiday that A and I fell in love.

After moving to England and marrying A, I discovered the world of MMOs. He’d gotten World of Warcraft for himself and said I could make a character on his account since I was curious. We neither of us expected me to enjoy it as much as I did. I got my own account. This becomes relevant, I swear.

Through A, I also met F. He knew her through MUSHing, and was invited to her and Also-an-A’s wedding. Weddings and receptions are not really great places to meet people, especially when those people are the bride and groom with everyone vying for their attention. I’d also gotten a nasty migraine and had to leave the reception early. But I digress. We met up with F and Also-an-A several more times, and our friendships grew.

As we became more comfortable with each other and trusting of one another, I realised that I had found another best friend in F. More than that: a sister.

Skipping ahead again, to very recently. Just a few months ago, really, though it feels like longer. In the good way.

WildStar went into Open Beta shortly before the live release. I gave it a go and really enjoyed it. Enough to get the game. Toddling around questing one night, I saw a guild advertisement pop up in the zone chat. I figured “What the hell?” and asked if I could join. After a little while, I even braved connecting to the guild’s Teamspeak. And that’s how I ‘met’ JB as more than just a random guildy. In the midst of chatting he made note of my American accent but that I was playing on the EU servers and I told him that I’d moved to England to get married. Further chatting and eventually he asked if I’d mind ‘meeting’ his fiancé, Featherwolf, who is also American but going to be moving over here.

I could go into much more detail, but the short and sweet of it is: Featherwolf and I formed a very strong connection. Strong enough that I happily and proudly call her ‘sister’ and am honoured that she calls me the same.

These people are all so important to me that I cannot imagine my life without any of them in it. Removing them would feel like removing parts of my own soul.

There are, of course, the many other friends whom I’ve met along the way. Though as deserving of mentions as they are, to include them all would turn this from a blog post into a biographical novella.

In this story, clearly I am the lake and J is the stone. The impact he has had on my life has forever altered it. Not only in the paths I’ve taken and the people I’ve encountered, whether directly or indirectly through him, but also myself, as a person. I am a better person thanks to his influence and teaching. He will always be my brother, my Ha’shin.*

And while this is largely biographical rambling, I do have a point hidden in all of this. That point being that we can never know who will be a stone in our lake, or when we will be the stone in another person's. Whether small or large, every encounter has some kind of impact. What we must do is endeavor to make that impact a positive one. Of course, we don’t always have control over the outcome of events, but in as much as we can, we should. Even if you never know it, or realise it years later; even if a meeting doesn’t result in a lasting friendship -- never take for granted the people who touch your life, or whose lives you touch. We all carry with us things to teach, and we all have things we’ve yet to learn.

In closing, I shall blatantly and without shame steal a line from another gem of sci-fi, those wacky teenagers Bill & Ted: Be excellent to each other.

*In Mercedes Lackey’s Valdemar books, Ha’shin is the Shin’a’in word for ‘teacher.’